In the middle of nowhere..
That's where I am right now.
The river is flowing.I'm flowing with it..just like all that debris that it picks up along the journey. I forgot where I jumped in. I just remember I've been swimming since long..very long.
I'm tired.
The water's cold.
I need rest.
But I can't fight the inertia.It's too over-powering.I don't know where to look once I do get out.I'm lazy enough to let that fact stop me from pausing and coming out of the water.
I'm afraid. But now that I've given it some thought, I think I kind of, enjoy this 'nothing' happening, lazy attitude that has filled my daily life for now..
But nonetheless, at the end of the day I am truly scared..pondering over the consequences of when I finally reach the ocean and realize ,this is not where I wanted to be..this is not my goal..It has never been my goal.I should have changed paths long ago..
I'm scared I won't get out of my river when there's still time..
I'm scared I'll end up in the wrong ocean.
That's where I am right now.
The river is flowing.I'm flowing with it..just like all that debris that it picks up along the journey. I forgot where I jumped in. I just remember I've been swimming since long..very long.
I'm tired.
The water's cold.
I need rest.
But I can't fight the inertia.It's too over-powering.I don't know where to look once I do get out.I'm lazy enough to let that fact stop me from pausing and coming out of the water.
I'm afraid. But now that I've given it some thought, I think I kind of, enjoy this 'nothing' happening, lazy attitude that has filled my daily life for now..
But nonetheless, at the end of the day I am truly scared..pondering over the consequences of when I finally reach the ocean and realize ,this is not where I wanted to be..this is not my goal..It has never been my goal.I should have changed paths long ago..
I'm scared I won't get out of my river when there's still time..
I'm scared I'll end up in the wrong ocean.
you need to read something by cal newport asap!
ReplyDeleteI can see whats happening. I know people who live an easy life and go with the flow kinda life and are happy too. But as you mentioned...this is not a life with a AIM. For howsoever little I know you...you are not a person to go with the flow. You are ambitious, just that you are a little lost now and it happens. The only possible solution I see is...Sit alone and talk to yourself, you will find what is wrong and what is to be done.
ReplyDeleteYou will find many people including me to guide you. Keep your spirits high.
Love you.
@SHANKY
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, bhaiya.. I'm trying that spirits-'high' thing ;) And I'll try and deeply contemplate and assess myself.I know I'll figure out what's to be done soon.
Recently I've been really perplexed about what I should really do in my future, academically. I am wondering if I should continue engineering or do something else. I don't 'hate' it, but if I'm going to follow one particular career throughout my life, I guess I should do that which will make me the 'most' satisfied and happy with myself..Then I wouldn't have any regrets.
I just hate the fact that I talk so much about the problem but I'm not putting enough practical efforts to end it.
Enough of it now, you'll see I'll call you soon with some positive, practically plausible future decisions! See, my spirits are already high! :)